Life is an ever-changing organism. It’s almost never how it was the day before. Small shifts happen continuously, most of the time they are on such a small scale that they don’t really affect daily life. There is, however, those paradigm shifts that seem to really throw us off our game. These are usually due to a major event, but just like earthquakes there is usually tension and micro-movements that result in the catastrophe. I believe an integral part of these breakdowns or epiphanies is to look at all the time leading up to them. There is probably minute events that get overlooked due to the hectic nature of life. Some of these can lead to information that can help prevent future problems.
Why bring any of this up? Mostly because I am going through such events. I have come to question many of the friendships I have. It’s not any one friendship, but an all encompassing look at how I perceive friendship; my expectations and the expectations of me. As I have been mulling this over the past week or so I have found I really am expecting more out of people. I have no qualms about this either. We (My peers and I) are getting to be full-fledged adults; some have already taken full time jobs. With new found independence comes even more responsibility, as much as some of us hate that thought. This comes to friendship too. Why shouldn’t I be able to rely on supposed friends? If they care about you they should want to help out in any way they can, at least by my new definition.
Another large portion of the new “grading scale” is the equality of such a relationship. I am largely over with one-sided friendships. Both people should be contributing. Of course there will be times when the scale might not be exactly 50/50, and that’s to be expected; everyone has low points. Those low points are precisely when you should expect your friends to rally. I think everyone has some experience with a friendship where you just feel like you are being taken for granted and you have to make all the effort even to remain in communication. Those are not friendships, they are shams that need to be let go. If a person truly cares for you they will make the effort.
I think a major point in my rethinking is due to a heightened sense of self-worth. I have had fairly low self esteem throughout most of my life. Not in everything, but when it came to things like personal relations I was very weak and would basically play the whipping boy. A relationship where people treat you as inferior is complete bullshit and not worth any bit of time out of your finite life.
With all this being said I would like to clarify a few points. This might sound rather rough, but I think my tone throughout the article actually makes it appear worse than it is. I don’t want friends to jump through hoops, I would just like some equality. I am also not looking to be attached at the hip. The main thing is to be respectful and conscientious. I don’t think it’s a tall order to fill, and I would think you would expect the same from me.
This is tangentially related, but people it’s important! I think winter has taken its toll because people are starting to get pretty nasty. I don’t care how busy you are, how stressed your life, or how bad you think you have it. It’s not an excuse to be mean. Everyone is a human being and deserves your kindness. So, you had a bad day? Save it until you get home, throw on a smile, and be nice!
Coming soon:
“Picture of the Week” and the return of “Track of the Week”